Non-Custodial Fathers: The New Millenium Slaves

The American Heritage Dictionary, Second College Edition defines a slave as: "One bound in servitude to a person or household as an instrument of labor." It lists both Texas and Alabama as slave states, and that's appropriate.   One hundred and ten years after the end of the Civil War, slavery has not ended there or anywhere else in the U.S.  It has transformed. The new slave class, the Slaves for the New Millenium, are divorced, noncustodial male parents.

Slavery is defined as "A mode of production in which slaves constitute the principal work force" and as "The condition of being subject or addicted to a specified influence."

That fits what's happening in this country pretty well.

To validate that, let's compare slave trade conditions as they existed during the period of the Civil War with the conditions for non-custodial fathers today:

Civil War Slave Premises:

    1. If you disobeyed your master, you would be sent to jail or put in irons.
    2. Your movements were restricted. If you ventured beyond the plantation, you were hunted down and returned.
    3. You had no say in what was happening to you.
    4. Your only purpose was to work for the slave master under the conditions that he had set.
    5. Your children could be taken from you.
Deadbeat Dad Premise:
  1. If you don't pay your child support on time or your ex makes an allegation against you, you will be sent to jail.  (See Premise #3 below.) You may end up in irons (see Alabama), in isolation, or be raped and contract AIDS.
  2. If you get behind on your child support, your driver's license can be revoked, you cannot move across state lines without risking becoming a federal felon, and you cannot get a passport. If you do move across state lines, the government uses computer databases to track you down. You will come to understand that you live in the invisible and non-virtual prison now known as the United States.
  3. You will not be totally discounted in the courtroom. You will be adjudged guilty because you are male, levied fines by states in which you do not reside, and arrested if you do not pay. You will be assessed fines and jail time for violation of administrative procedure; and you will have no recourse (without expensive court battles that you can't afford) against the state agencies that levy the requirements.  It does not matter how much damage they have done you. If you're not readily available to the government for them to levy out their abuse, they will post wanted posters of you in post offices and on the Internet.
  4. Judgement against you will be based solely on the amount of money that can be squeezed out of you. You have no value as a free individual (because you're not).  Nor are you a contributing member of society based entirely on their judgement of what that means (i.e., you're perfectly disposable and only good as a cash cow). You do not need money except for basic necessities, and you will be beaten for expenditures above that basic requirement. Your master can take any job she wishes, move anywhere she likes, marry anyone, and remain completely unaffected. You will be forced to take a job that meets their financial requirements, whether realistic for you or not.  You will be unable to find help within the system for lowering child support even if it is justified (financial hardship). You will have to register with the state anytime you change jobs so they know where you are (for electronic monitoring-they substitute a database for an electronic collar or bracelet). If child support and alimony is beyond what you can reasonably support, you will be required to work multiple jobs regardless of the impact on your own life. (Keeping the slaves in this condition leaves them unable to fight the conditions being levied.)
  5. Your ex is free to lie about you, destroy your relationship with your children using brainwashing and isolation (executed by moving the kids away), make totally unfounded allegations about you that will be accepted without proof, and she will be able to defame your character without repercussions.  You will be granted access to your children only if you pay.
So, now that we've established the class, let's examine their condition:
    1. Slavery is no longer a racially based issue. It is now gender based, so one can argue that some improvement has occurred, even though the size of the slave class has increased.
    2. The range of allowed movement has improved.   Allowed movement has increased from a plantation sized area to that of a state (variable).
    3. Beatings no longer occur on open plantation lands.  They now occur within the obscuring walls of a jail cell. Abuse of the slaves has shifted from physical to financial, political, and verbal. This leaves fewer visible scars but keeps the overall damage level the same. Loss of life is now primarily due to suicide, though "accidents", AIDS-related rapes, and shootings during periods of emotional imbalance may become more prominent in the future.
    4. If you're rich and can afford it, you stand some chance of getting equity in the system. (For most fathers, this is out of reach.)
    5. Slave ownership has shifted from a single owner (the plantation owner) to a tri-owner concept (the ex-wife, the state government, and the federal government).
    1. There is no Underground Railroad for slaves that need it to flee oppression.  No "safe zone" exists within the continental US, and there is no way to legally leave.
    2. Political and popular sentiment is on the side of the slavers.
    3. This condition of the new slaves reinforces the dysfunction running and ruining the country. It is perfection in the form of  a  legalized "hostage/captor" relationship, one of the key symptoms of codependence. The slavers also justify their self-righteousness and judgmentalism, exercise control over others, and continue to play the role of the victim. Perennial victims are actually perennial "controllers", something lost on the American public.
    4. The only solutions for most of the new slaves, until they take responsibility and ban together socially, financially, and politically to fight this oppression, is to leave the country, commit suicide, or commit murder. (No improvement from the Civil War period.)
    5. Since slavery is now gender based, social conditions will continue to decline; and polarization of the sexes will increase. Abuse will increase for both sexes. Cycles of abuse are never localized and are not contained, no matter how much one wants to believe they are.
    6. The only winners are the politicians and the lawyers. The custodial parent has an apparent victory, but time and nature will often even things out. However, family conditions are and will continue to become more damaged than they would have been without government interference. Since the true motivators have to do with sustaining power and nothing to do with the best welfare of the children, this is an accepted casualty.

If men were truly in control in this world, do you think we would have put up with this for one second? It is because we’re not that this matter is where it is.   Everyone's still hiding behind their denial.  The politicians as well as any merchant you might speak to understand that women really are in control while we are made to believe they are recovering from oppression, i.e., they are the victims.

I'm posting a story sent into me by Debra, the current wife of David. This is David's story. Unfortunately, it is not the uncommon event. (NOTE: I have not validated the facts here but believe them to be true based on my own experiences. I have done some slight editing for legal and editorial reasons, and the story is published with permission.)

"I am the 2nd wife of a so called "deadbeat dad". We married 5 yrs. Ago on Oct. 16 - my birthday. Every year since,  around this date, my husband, David, has been threatened with being incarcerated. I think the ex must choose this date on purpose to sic the authorities on him. Maybe I am just paranoid after all we have been through. It has also happened on other nice dates like Thanksgiving and Xmas too, "coincidentally". This year the "hearing" (which is always one-sided) is on Oct. 15. The worst of it started in 1992 when David was thrown in jail and lost a 40k contract. He thought nothing of going to this "hearing" thinking he would simply show the Judge that he had this upcoming job secured and could catch up on payments, etc. Well, the Judge would not even allow David to speak let alone submit papers saying if he said one more word he would be held in contempt. He asked David if he was "able and willing to pay $2,000 right then and there. David said he was willing but did not currently have the $2,000. He said he had $20.00 in his pocket and told the Judge he could have that. The Judge ordered his legs shackled, his hands cuffed and sent him off to jail until he could pay the full amount due. I remember the hopeless feeling when David's business phone rang. On the other end were people whom David was trying to get work with. He does Management Consulting and has developed programs for Organizational Change/Business Process Reengineering/ and Organizational Transformation (he says it is really transforming from fear and self-service to love and self-less service - very much needed in today's society). Anyway, he was just making a new start. He had lost his "middle management" position. It turns out he lost his last real "job" and he was turning 51.

David spent two weeks in jail that February of 1992. I tried desperately to raise bail while he lost the 40k contract and other relationships dwindled. A friend finally got a lawyer friend of hers to help reduce the bail to $500. He urged us not to pay saying that once you pay, they think "oh, we just have to throw this guy in the slammer to get the money out of him". It made sense but I was really freaking out at the time and just wanted him out of there. Dave lost 10 pounds in those 2 weeks.

Child support arrears have grown since then to over $38,000 (Dave signed up for $1,000+ per month and the courts would not lower it despite his changed circumstances). We have been able to barely keep our house (as of this writing we are two months behind in mortgage payment), my credit cards have reached their limit, and my parents are once again buying us food and heating oil. If I could actually look at this situation as funny, I could get hysterical just looking at the file cabinet that is actually bulging over with court papers. Friends say, "why don't you just pay?" I say, "how, and with what - are you kidding"? Others say, "why don't you just give up and work at McDonalds?" or "why do you keep appealing? – you must like playing this game". They simply do not understand that working at McDonalds would not leave us enough to survive because the court would garnish most of Dave's wages. We would loose the house for sure and if we did not appeal the court's decisions, Dave would have spent many more weeks in jail over the years.

Of course, we do not have a lawyer. Even if we could afford one, none want to even touch this case. We have not even been able to find a lawyer to help us with another most upsetting aspect of this case: The ex stole the children's trust fund that Dave had set up years ago from his inheritance from his parent's. The trust consisted of some $20,000 cash and $30,000 stock when it was set up. The ex has never had to account for any of it even though it is written in the divorce agreement that she do so. She invested it with -get this- Dave's brother in an apartment building to be built by her then lover. The deal fell through and from what I understand she and the brother are finally getting some money back on their investment. BUT, Dave's youngest son, Peter, is 18 and trying to get into college. He has lived with us since last year.

His mother abused him physically, mentally and emotionally. Even spiritually, if you will, with her denigration of him since his decision to live with his father. Oh ya, the courts refuse to look at the abuse issue. The State X court, where we live, said it was State Y's problem. State Y court, where the ex lives, said it was State X's problem. So, the ex is all right, we are all wrong and I don't know what Peter is. In another recent court appearance, Peter was told not to speak (even though he is 18 now). When he protested, the County Judge had the sheriffs bailiff remove him threatening HIM with contempt of court. He and Dave were trying to get the court to make the ex account for the stolen funds. By the way, the older son sides with his mother because in doing so, he gets money from her. Peter has integrity and refuses to be a "prostitute".

So, this is our story. It is hard to tell what will happen come Oct. 15. I just hope and pray my husband will be home with me on our wedding anniversary.

Those out there that think LIFE, LIBERTY AND THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS are still secure as our constitutional rights - re-read this and think again.

Debra. Second wife and US citizen trying to survive in Warren County New

Jersey."

I couldn't have said this any better. Remember Debra's last words. If you're male and a non custodial parent or thinking about getting married, don't forget them:

Those out there that think LIFE, LIBERTY AND THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS are still secure as our constitutional rights - re-read this and think again.

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